Today was so perfect: my pain was low, I had snuggles with my best guy, surprises for the kids, time spent talking, laughing and playing games with family, watching Christmas movies and eating gourmet corn dogs, tucking happy kids into bed and finishing off the day quietly reading in a room lit by Christmas lights.

My emotions are high as a kite; I'm filled with peace, love, thankfulness and joy. It won't last forever but I'll take it while I can get it.

Merry, Merry Christmas!

2014 In Review

Wowzers. Where do I start?

2014 was the year I spent all summer with Kayley and Cole!

It wasn't without its challenges but I got to spend so much time with them I really felt connected to them in a way I hadn't felt since going back to work almost five years ago! Beach days, skate park days, pool days and regular park days were the best way for me to rest and keep the kids busy at the same time. I'm continuously thankful that they are old enough to look after themselves in most ways. If I had a little one I'm certain that I might die. Haha. When school  started I began to feel better and I started volunteering in Cole's classroom an hour a week, which is really something I enjoy. I truly believe Cole is thriving better this year because he has matured, but also because  I've been around to work on his behavior at school and home.

2014 was the year I gained two in-laws!

Welcome to the family Bailie Dawson and Tommy Heinsman! I couldn't be more thrilled for Tim and Joanna for picking a couple of awesome partners who bring them much happiness!

2014 was the year I began to focus on me.

 I guess I didn't really have a choice. I never thought I'd ever been in so much pain. I really took my health for granted before these last couple years. And my perspective has totally shifted when it comes to other people's pain as well because 8 months post surgery I'm still in pain, making this struggle a more long term one. In fact, I'm writing this at 2am because I'm in too much discomfort to sleep. Surgery was worth it to relieve my disc herniation nerve pinch and bone that was causing leg pain but I have some pretty tough nerve damage causing severe pain in my back still. I recently saw a pain management doctor who gave me a numbing shot in my leg and a hefty dose of steroid anti-inflammatories so I'm crossing my fingers I'll have some relief by Christmas.

2014 was a challenge with my job.

Anytime something in your life blows up there's usually something that takes a backseat. Physically I spent six months away from work recovering from surgery but the rest of the year I've spent most of the time absent emotionally from my job. Does the phrase "I give zero shits" ring a bell? I'm not saying this is right, but this is how I let myself become. Absorbed by pain, absent from work in my brain. Needless to say, I've been impatient with people I previously spent a lot of my energy trying hard to remain patient with. It has taken me a while to realize my attitude has consumed me but now that I realize it I'm ready for  a change. My office paid a hefty price for a new office chair, a desk that moves up and down so I can work standing or sitting and a swivel stool that helps keep my feet up while I sit. They have also been very flexible with me and my schedule and very supportive of my recovery! These are such great things and I truly am thankful.

2014 was the year I learned that He is still good even if the answer is "no" or "not right now."

I have been pretty open about my struggle to remain consistent in my Bible studies on this blog. This year I have had more time to allow my studying to become a good habit. It also helps that She Reads Truth makes amazing and beautiful studies  that make me want to soak up the Word! Recently i had one of those aha moments where it really hit me:  If not, He is still good.  If God doesn't choose to heal me now or next week or ever, He is still good! This has been a tough thing to digest. Because I want to yell at God all the cuss words and ask him why me, why the suffering?! Why the pain?! Don't you know what I've been through God?! But in all my changes, He remains the same. He never stopped being good to me. He is still the same God I put my faith and trust in when things were good. And how cool is that, guys, to have a constant in this ever changing world of ours?

2014, I'm ready for you to take a hike.

But before you go I gotta shout out to my wonderfully handsome hubs who has supported me this year and always, my dad who took the kids to school almost every day in May and June and who is the most encouraging person I know and to my wonderful mommy who spent every day she could at my house for six weeks doing laundry, cleaning and cooking for our family. Also,  here's a shout out to my friends, work friends and  family who have been so supportive of me, listening to me and encouraging me! You all mean more to me than you know!

Bring it on 2015!

Tyler graduates in March with his bachelors degree in project management and Kayley will start middle school (eeek!). I know it'll be a good year, regardless of what happens, because God is still good!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from The Batten Family!

Life at a stand still

It is so strange to sit here and have completely run out of things to do. While watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy (bye tough girl Christina Yang) it occurred to me I have a blog that hasn't had any attention in quite some time. But now that life has forced me to a complete halt, here I am.

Its my 30th year of life and what better year to have back surgery? I write with a hint of sarcasm of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to be reliant on vicodin for pain, use a grabnabber to reach anything above or below current reaching capabilities, be tuckered out from a walk around the block and rely on others to cook meals and run errands?

I've had a sore back  my whole life. I fell off a bunk bed when I was eight and I just chalked all the soreness throughout my life up to normalcy because I'd never known it any other way. Apparently its not normal to have sore feet after an hour at the mall. Who knew?

In January of 2013 I was working out at the gym in a group training class. I've never done cross fit but I can equate the classes to something similar. I had spent 7 months working out, gaining muscle and feeling and looking my best. I was so cool, feeling like supermom with tons of energy, lifting 50 pound bags of dog food like a boss, working out sometimes six days a week. One day, we were doing a finisher which consisted of burpees, which I happen to love dearly, and I felt a stabbing pain in my knee and my leg that caused me to not be capable of finishing the workout. After that day, I could no longer bend my left knee without pain.

The knee pain subsided as I worked carefully to avoid the movements that caused me pain. But this meant no running, no squatting, no burpees, no lunges and pretty much everything having to do with the knee. Little by little, the pain seemed to manifest itself more in my hip and less in my knee. At this point I stopped exercising completely, which caused a not so welcome 10 pound weight gain. To be honest, I sank into a pretty big pity party and ate my heart out. But at least I didn't eat a whole Marie Callendars pie alone. Although I could have. But I digress.

My most wonderful chiropractor, whom I endearingly call Dr. Deb, finally suggested ordering an xray since there was no improvement after several months. The xray of my back turned out mostly normal with a slight compression in the lumbar region and knee turned out 100% normal (at least something about me is normal). So thanks to my bomb diggity insurance and my handy dandy medical flex plan I got my MRI done and went to see the Orthopedic surgeon.

Dr. Moelleken is the best. He has experience in both spine and nuero so I knew going in I already had the best. The MRI showed a large herniated disc compressing my spinal chord, thus causing nerve pain. He recommended an epidural shot which, $1500 later, did nothing but cause a huge flare, something they couldn't foresee. Apparently this flare happens rarely. Lucky me! After the epidural I was on twice the amount of pain killers than before.

At this point I was working 6 and sometimes 7 days a week during tax season. I ended up taking a day off work after my epidural which is just not something you do so close to April 15th. My pain killers had to be planned around my commute since they made me dizzy. Sometimes I had to leave my desk, go to the back of the office or into the bathroom and cry because the pain was so unbearable. Then I would breathe slowly, wipe my tears and finish the day. Lets just say that I feel I earned every penny of my tax season bonus this year working a lot of overtime with my body in constant suffering.

The next time I saw the doctor I was so ready to move forward that I think my eagerness puzzled him.  My quality of life sucked. I had no life outside work, my kids heard "mom just needs to lay down" a lot and my relationship with Tyler was strained. Everything in my life was suffering.  So I talked to Dr. Moelleken about my options and the fact was I could live in pain or have surgery. Surgery it is! That same day I had my blood work done, the next week I was cleared for surgery, and the following week I had surgery. It all happened very fast.

Surgery went well and the doc said my herniated disc was actually larger than what was shown on the MRI. Ouch.

So here I am, about a week and a half out from having surgery, feeling much better than before. I have pain from my incision and my back is sore, not to mention the part of my leg that has gone numb but I have relief from the pinched nerve! That nerve pain is not something I could ever describe to you. Its just the very, very worst. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and there are people I wish I was mean enough to wish this on!

The moral of this very long and maybe super boring story is to not fall off a bunk bed, herniate a disc, make it worse with exercise, gain weight, try an epidural and have back surgery before the age of 30. If you can mange that, I would say you're right on track!

More Updates

Tyler's work partnered with the United Way for a Day of Caring in Santa Barbara. We all drove up and spent a few hours helping Alpha Resources by detailing their vehicles. It was really a lot of fun to do it as a family!

 

 

Kayley ran for girls athletic director at school. She had to make this poster and give a speech. Although she didn't win, I'm so proud of her for trying!

 

Our church held a kids 5 Kolor Run. Cole won first place in his age category and Kayley won second place in hers! I think Cole might actually do well at cross country at some point. He ran like a champ!

 

 

Roller coaster: 1 Cole: 0

Thankfully we have a really great dentist who fixed this sucker right up! Cole will probably have to get a crown at some point in his life which sucks.

  All dressed up for Halloween!


 

Red Ribbon Week always calls for a day of crazy hair!

 

These guys got cupcakes for having great reports at their parent-teacher conferences. My kids are so smart and thankfully aren't struggling in any area. 

  

 

Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas time is here! My office Christmas lunch was at the Biltmore in Montecito and the food was amazing. I love the décor, too!

 

 

Tyler's work Christmas party was last Friday night at Soho in Santa Barbara. They close down the whole club for the event and have a live cover band (which was awesome!) and dinner and lots of drinks. Tyler basically laughed the whole time as illustrated by this picture.

 

We went camping with friends in August. It was hot, hot, hot but super fun to be child free and not have any plans.

Jaime is so crazy she drank all of these by herself.
 

Just kidding.

While we were camping the kids were at Aunt Lisa's. Uncle Justin took them out for a ride on Noah's little dirt bike. How fun for them!

One Saturday we set off on a crazy off roading adventure in the Jeep in a river bottom off the 33. The kids loved it and I had a love/hate relationship with it. I went back and forth between feeling like I was going to die and being more pleased than ever. It was awesome.

The view on the way there was so pretty!

Lately,we got to see old friends.

My parents met the Shramm's when we lived in Santa Maria when I was a toddler. Cindy and Clyde have four kids also, and we have remained friends with them over all these years! Last weekend was Laura's baby shower. She had the cutest cake!

The kids had their jogathon in September. Tyler took the day off to help. He's such a good Dad!
 

His Jeep became quite the focal point.

Since he had the afternoon off and the kids get out early on Fridays he went to Gorman and did stuff like this...
 

And this...

Needless to say, the Jeeper has had a lot of attention lately. Keeps the man outa trouble.

 

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Three cheers for me actually posting something on my blog!

2nd and 4th Grade

I'm not sure anyone even reads my blog anymore. That being said, I really need to keep blogging still since this is probably the best way for me to remember life! So here I go again...

 I say it every year. I can't believe my kids are so big, so fun, so independent. I cannot believe another school year has started!

Kayley, you're in fourth grade now!


When I was pregnant with you ten years ago I could never have imagined the kind of girl you would be today. I love that doing your hair doesn't matter and that you dress for comfort, not style. I like that teal is your favorite color even though red is your real favorite. I love that you don't care about the girls in your grade and all their petty foolishness and I love that you found a friend who feels the same way as you. Don't stop coming home with muddy shoes because you spend every moment possible playing soccer, rugby, field hockey or whatever else all the boys are playing. I know you are quiet in class because you're thinking hard about what you're doing and want to do it right. I know you're crazy fun at home because that's just how you are around the people you're most familiar with. I'm proud of you for embracing becoming an almost tween without freaking out or staging anti-training bra protests. No matter how tough you appear, you are soft and sweet and have a heart for Jesus. I love you more than anything my sweet Kayley Autumn.


Cole, oh second grader Cole.

Nothing could have prepared me for the seven year old silly kid I've got in you! You wake up every morning with a crafty plan to bug your sister and torture the dog. I love your outlook on life and your fun personality. I love that, while you can be distracting in class sometimes, you excel at everything you try. You are smart and talented and, as you prayed the other day you, "want to do well in school and high school and college to get a good job." I love that about you. You are going to do so well in second grade and you make me so very, very proud. In my mind you are always going to be that chubby, soft curly headed little one year old who never quit smiling. Even though you're getting so tall and you're sometimes stinky, you'll never be too big for my lap! I love you Mr. Cole Michael Batten.

I'm pretty sure that my blog is number one on my list of neglected things. At least it's not, you know, one of my kids or something.

Oh how my life is busy. Shall I count the ways?

1. I have two kids and a dog. That really should be enough said. I have to break up fights, avoid floods due to my son "cleaning out the peaches in his backpack" in the bathroom sink and oversee Kayley chop a peice of cucumber into the tiniest peices and pray she doesn't lose a finger.  I nurse wounds, deal with huge knots in Kayley's hair and administer sunscreen to Hartley's belly because she sleeps outside upside down and gets sunburnt. What a weirdo. I'm the most famous for hiding kids clothes since they wear the SAME things over and over. If they can't find 'em, they can't wear 'em! Now that's just good parenting right there.

2. The kids are at camp this summer. That means a packed lunch every day (with enough food to satisfy the hungriest 7 year old boy on the planet), a full coat of sunscreen and a backpack full of swimming supplies. It also means exausted children who get angry at me when I wake them up at 7am. Can't blame 'em. I get mad at my dang phone when it wakes me up at anytime before 12 noon. I'm not a morning person. Neither are they on camp days. But I digress.

3. Kids camp at our church in Camarillo was last week and VBS is this week at South Coast. That means I pick up the kids at 5:30 and they have to be somewhere at 6:30. Cereal for dinner, anyone? While the kidlings do enjoy these evening camps, they're tiring and I'm dunzo with them.

4. New house for us. Very old house in general. Bad plumbing, possible rodents in the attic, daddy long legs thinkin' they own the place and it's hotter than blue blazes up in there pretty much always. It is taking some adjustment, that's for sure. The huge front and backyards, fruit trees, giant sun room and privacy make it all worthwile, though!

5. Donde esta Tyler? He is very busy with school and work. He has also lost close to ten pounds and is a strapping young lad, if I do say so myself. We joke that we only have time for a high five when we see each other and then we head our separate ways. As sad as it is, it's really like that most days. But I love the guy for working his butt off!

6. Mavericks. It's my new gym and I love it. Being besties with one of the managers there offers many benefits (if I told you I'd have to kill you). Working and running the kids around makes it hard for me to get to the gym but I've been managing two or three days a week and a day doing something active with the kids and Tyler. Last week we did the stairs at Ventura High and the week before we went for a hike!

7. Busting a flow. My new hobby is busting out with white girl rhymes. Think I'm kidding? I guess you'll never know. Maybe on my birthday after a few margaritas.

8. My birthday. Ok, well it actually hasn't happened yet but I'm really looking forward to it! I feel the best I've ever felt and the happiest I've ever been lately.  Besides, the closer I get to thirty the less I care about what anyone thinks of me or the choices I make. For sheezy.

9. Now I just feel obligated to make it to ten. Such pressure!

10. Work. Meh. Meh. I got another raise last week which I am thankful for. I'm also expanding my knowledge base by taking on extra tasks such as billing and reconciling bank accounts. Which is thrilling stuff I know. But I make accounting look good. Especially when I wear my glasses. Rarrr. You know, it's sexy when my eyes cross and things go blurry so I have to make a spectacle of myself. Get it? Spectacle? I kill myself! Ha!

Thou hast read the ways my life is insane. There is more, but ain't nobody got time for that.